Tuesday, 29 September 2015
Monday, 31 August 2015
Okay, this post is a RANT of colossal proportions. I read a lot of books, see quite a few movies, and I always wonder WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME PLOT?
The genre I am going to burn and perforate with my trident of Doom is Y(oung) A(dult).
You are the heroine, who's nobody, really. A perfect no-one with a normal life, the poster girl for Miss-Clumsy-Quiet-Mouse-Nothing-To-See-Here, Move-On. But although you have everything figured out, you are entering that awkward phase of having to...
A) Pussyfoot through puberty, change school and home
B) Graduate and MAYBE EVEN HAVE SEX (the horror, the horror)
C) Endure puberty and pick a fraction
D) Struggle through puberty and increasingly regular hallucinations
We have established that it is a time of change in your life. Now, you are afraid because you are
A) Limp-wristed, clumsy and a nobody
B) Perfectly innocent (read between the lines: not much going on in the brain department), clumsy and a nobody
C) Average, clumsy and a nobody
D) Possibly on the way to the nuthouse and yet, still so normal/ such an utter nobody that my teeth hurt
So, you have found yourself in the new environment. There, you meet a HOT somebody who captivates you as soon as your eyes meet. However, you must not try to do something with him because
A) He gives you dirty looks and avoids you like the plague
B) He gives you attitude and warns you to stay away from him
C) He gives you attitude, dirty looks, and warns you to stay away from him
D) He gives you attitude, keeps his distance and warns you to stay away from him
Little by little, that HOT and distant somebody warms up to you, hence walks hand in hand, him looking out for you, rides with his helicopter, etc. But you discover you REALLY NEED to stay away from him because he is
A) A vampire with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
B) A sadistic billionaire with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
C) A bad boy with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
D) Your brother and a demon hunter with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
However, you discover that
A) you are gifted, because you a natural shield, and you are utterly besotted with the lad
B) you are gifted, because you have regular conversations with your inner goddess, and you are head over heels for the lad
C) you are gifted, because you are unclassifiable, and you are over the moon for the lad
D) you are gifted, because your hallucinations were real, and you are completely smitten with the lad
Together you overcome ALL DIFFICULTIES and you hug and there is a book on your wonderful, romantic and (more importantly!) ORIGINAL love story, called
B) 50 Shades of Grey
D) City of Bones
There. Literature for tomorrow. Amazing plots, characters and situations, all of them one of a kind. (Unfortunately of the exact same kind.) Shakespeare should eat his own hat in shame. And please don't give me any shit about '50 Shades' being a book for adults. Remove the BDSM elements and anyone with half a brain can see it for what it is: a teenage fantasy with scary-looking sexual paraphernalia.
Monday, 1 June 2015
This is not about making an fb, but someone I know needs a little help with feeding a kitten. Usually pet shops have special baby bottles for kittens, but if you can't find one in your local petshop (or perhaps it is an unholy hour in the night) here is how you can make one. You will need a latex glove like the one you use to wash the dishes, but not dirty, a pair of scissors, a rubber band and a small plastic bottle. From my experience, it works much better than using a syringe.
First of all, cut a rectangular strip from the base of the glove. In my example I am using a piece of paper, but you can see what I mean.
Take the strip and shape it into a cone:
Make sure the tip of the cone is as small as possible, because otherwise a lot of milk will spill out and the kitten will have trouble swallowing. Then take the plastic bottle. In my example picture the bottle has the cap on. (My mom has some alcohol in this bottle and she will not be happy if I spill it everywhere, so I kept the cap on.) In your case, the bottle will have milk in, and it will be uncapped.
Place the cone on the neck of the bottle. Now, take the rubber band and wrap it tightly around the neck, so that it stays in place. It is ready!
A few more pieces of advice to help you:
- Always (ALWAYS!) check the milk temperature on your wrist before feeding the kitten.
- Cow milk causes severe diarrhea and kill kittens; if you can't go to the petshop to buy speciall kitten formula and the baby is too hungry and dehydrated, you can give it canned milk, but only as an emergency measure. If you really want your kitten to live, you need to buy special formula as soon as possible.
- If the kitten struggles too much while you try to feed it, I suggest wrapping it in a towel and leaving only its head out. It will keep it still and reduce the mess, too.
- After feeding it, soak a bit of the towel into warm water and gently rub its tummy from the middle toward the anus. Repeat a few times, always from the middle towards the back. This stimulates their intestines and helps really small kittens to urinate and efficate; it is what their mother does with her tongue. Again, make sure to check the temperature of the towel on your wrist before using it on the kitten.
- Very small kittens can't maintan body temperature. If you have a hot bottle or a small heating pad you can use, please do. Make sure it is not in direct touch with the kitten's skin. Wrap the pad or bottle in a towel or a cloth before placing it in the box.
- If the kitten is really small and it has not drank any of its mom's milk, chances are it won't make it. Their mother's milk contains antibodies than kitten formula cannot provide them with. Don't feel bad if that happens, it really isn't your fault. There is a 10% possibility it will pull through. It's worth fighting for.
Thursday, 21 May 2015
This is not an fb, but the cover for my new diary. I thought it looked a little bland, so I added a postcard of very 'ugly' Alexander Skarsgard and then some border stickers while watching the first season of Elementary. Before I knew it, the situation was out of control. :) This was the final result:
Not bad, it will certainly improve my mood every time I pick it in my hands! ;)
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
I have not made any fbs in ages as I am busy looking for a job. However, last night I made this. It is not High Quality, but I like it. It is a 'thank you' item for Kirsten Brockhaus, who kindly returned my full fb. I hope she will like it and receive it home one day.