Monday, 31 August 2015
Okay, this post is a RANT of colossal proportions. I read a lot of books, see quite a few movies, and I always wonder WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME PLOT?
The genre I am going to burn and perforate with my trident of Doom is Y(oung) A(dult).
You are the heroine, who's nobody, really. A perfect no-one with a normal life, the poster girl for Miss-Clumsy-Quiet-Mouse-Nothing-To-See-Here, Move-On. But although you have everything figured out, you are entering that awkward phase of having to...
A) Pussyfoot through puberty, change school and home
B) Graduate and MAYBE EVEN HAVE SEX (the horror, the horror)
C) Endure puberty and pick a fraction
D) Struggle through puberty and increasingly regular hallucinations
We have established that it is a time of change in your life. Now, you are afraid because you are
A) Limp-wristed, clumsy and a nobody
B) Perfectly innocent (read between the lines: not much going on in the brain department), clumsy and a nobody
C) Average, clumsy and a nobody
D) Possibly on the way to the nuthouse and yet, still so normal/ such an utter nobody that my teeth hurt
So, you have found yourself in the new environment. There, you meet a HOT somebody who captivates you as soon as your eyes meet. However, you must not try to do something with him because
A) He gives you dirty looks and avoids you like the plague
B) He gives you attitude and warns you to stay away from him
C) He gives you attitude, dirty looks, and warns you to stay away from him
D) He gives you attitude, keeps his distance and warns you to stay away from him
Little by little, that HOT and distant somebody warms up to you, hence walks hand in hand, him looking out for you, rides with his helicopter, etc. But you discover you REALLY NEED to stay away from him because he is
A) A vampire with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
B) A sadistic billionaire with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
C) A bad boy with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
D) Your brother and a demon hunter with an unknown tortured past and dark secrets
However, you discover that
A) you are gifted, because you a natural shield, and you are utterly besotted with the lad
B) you are gifted, because you have regular conversations with your inner goddess, and you are head over heels for the lad
C) you are gifted, because you are unclassifiable, and you are over the moon for the lad
D) you are gifted, because your hallucinations were real, and you are completely smitten with the lad
Together you overcome ALL DIFFICULTIES and you hug and there is a book on your wonderful, romantic and (more importantly!) ORIGINAL love story, called
B) 50 Shades of Grey
D) City of Bones
There. Literature for tomorrow. Amazing plots, characters and situations, all of them one of a kind. (Unfortunately of the exact same kind.) Shakespeare should eat his own hat in shame. And please don't give me any shit about '50 Shades' being a book for adults. Remove the BDSM elements and anyone with half a brain can see it for what it is: a teenage fantasy with scary-looking sexual paraphernalia.